Dec 20, 2010

Nuclear Beards Re: "The Christmas Beard"

After reading "The Christmas Beard" at Two Wizards in a Covered Wagon, I came to the conclusion that I couldn't simply reply to the post.  As you may have heard, I am also on the crusade for the Christmas beard.  I'll admit, I don't have many credentials aside from being able to grow sideburns somewhat, but I'm going to do my best for the quest.  Because I'm also involved in this venture, I feel obligated to include a few more essential beards.  Now, let us embark on a journey of beardliness.

 Jozi is absolutely correct in asserting that this beard is terrible.  The neck beard is almost never a prudent approach.  I would also agree with Jozi in saying that his second neck-beard accurately portrays the most evil man on the face of the planet.  Because of above picture, some have claimed that Thoreau can't grow a good beard and he was smoking something strong at Walden, however, I argue that this was just a stage for Thoreau and he soon realized the error of his ways.

Voila.  Thoreau transcended to a higher plane in his later years.  Some may mock me, but if I could choose to have any hairstyle, this would have to be it.

Honestly, Abe made a juvenile-Thoreauesque mistake here.  Lincoln was an incredible man and president.  Let us judge not that we be not judged, but Lincoln's facial atrocity scarred the beard-wearing world for about five score years.

This dude took a page out of Merlin's book.  If only my hair was this color...  Unfortunately we can't all be saints and sorcerers.

Master Lennon, the innovator.  I may be able to pull this one off someday in the not-too-distant future.  If I can't have the Thoreau, I'll certainly take the Lennon, or a variation on the theme.

...I don't know.  This one kind of frightens me.

...Same here.

Oh yeah.  Yes.  I don't know if I could grow this one over Christmas Break, but I can dream.

Rasputin deserves an honorable mention, but the dark wizards just can't really compare to Merlin, Gandalf, Dumbledore, Santa, and the boys.

No explanation required.  Epic.

Something tells me that these aren't quite natural, but they are pretty dang sweet.

The world is full of many beards.  Some beautiful, and some horrendous.  If you need tips growing beards,  The internet is there for you.
Also, here is a beard trustworthiness chart that I found pretty accurate.


  1. Henry, you are brilliant. Seriously. You're an amazing writer, why are you not in journalism?

  2. Yes--Why ARE you not in journalism? Switch in at semester....? Yesss..

  3. Please grow a neck beard. Or at least try. :)

  4. Journalism... Perhaps. We will see. I am actually considering it. Neck beard... I want to go for the legit Thoreau beard. Neck beards are kind of frightening.